Pedestal

Jessica and I were talking at a lovely bar in Dublin. 

Jess started telling me about her thoughts before she was about to confess something she did that she wasn't proud of. She had a moment where she didn't want to mention it. This was because she told me she put me up on a pedestal. A higher level than she was at; which made her want to retain the information/ wrong doing / confession. She said that she was afraid of the judgement and how it was something "beneath me" so she shouldn't even mention it. 

When she told me this I was like "WHAT WHY! I SHOULD BE THE FIRST PERSON she can talk to! She shouldn't feel afraid to talk to me!!!!"

But the thing is..... I do this with my friends as well. My close friends....

I wanted to write about this because I know that people are feeling the same way. We almost can't create this strong support with one another as fellow Christians because we don't let our guard/ pride down. There's always something going on. We each have our own battles that we are fighting. 

I'm not saying continuously WORD VOMIT to your BFFL/Mentor.

I am saying that being a Christian I find it hard to approach my Christian friends when I have sinned or am in a viscous cycle of addiction.  I don't tell people what's really going on because I need to "keep my image". WTF. 

Imagine how much harder it would be for non christian friends to approach you when even your own friends don't and also YOU don't approach your own close christian friends!!!!!! (This is myself talking to myself so don't take it personally).

We need to come to our senses that it's not about living this HOLY Pharisee like life.

But LIVING a LIFE of HUMILITY. 

Saying you're not perfect is HUMILITY! 

It's so easy to tell this to God because HE OBVS knows. 

But it's harder to tell your friend/friends this when you know that she knows and you both know what you did was wrong. 

I have said this a thousand times. (Its this tumblr quote I've totally parphrased it) 

"saying that I am a Christian doesn't mean I'm saying I have my life together, it means I am so crappy at doing life on my own and I mess everything up. The only way I can carry on is because JESUS saved me". 

The only way this invisible wall broke between Jess and I; was through the sharing of my testimony. How I came to faith and love Jesus. It was a very special moment not only for Jess to hear that my life was never GREAT HAPPY SUNSHINES but for myself to realize everyone is going through something or has been through something. It was a good reminder for myself to see where I came from and also how far Jesus has been leading me down this road.  

IDK the answers here for everyone... 

But I believe if I start to adopt this open, transparent, true side about me; and to be able to tell what's really going on to my close friends I hope that they would do the same. 

Just like how Jess let her guard down to receive my help. 

I want and need to do the same. 

This is for your own soul. 

Take it or leave it.