Post about post contiki

22/01/2015

Finished my Contiki Mediterranean highlights tour, I went and visited my friends around Kingston. Went to life group and had a lovely dinner with Hanne. I was feeling a bit cold last night but I didn’t pick up on any signs of sickness. And then I woke up this morning with a fever and a sore throat. I crawled out of bed and went to the dairy and bought some lemsip. Took a nap and I feel a lot better after eating some rice. My flight is at 6:50pm so I will be heading to the airport soon.

This blog sounds like a robot just wrote it because I feel like a drugged up zombie right now.  I wanted to highlight the things that are going on in my inner self/soul/ spirit whatever right now. These past two days have been about healing and getting reconnected with God. Because for the past 2 weeks I’ve been pretty lost. I loved Contiki but I wasn’t myself and I felt like I lost my faith for a while. I came back; ashamed, guilty, broken, rejected and everything that I valued I ditched it on the side of the road. It’s easier to just go with the crowd, it’s easier to just go yolo #noregrets and just let loose. 

This was my weak moment, I let go of Jesus and I just kept going because I was somewhat sick of being the one who was different. My excuses are pathetic and really I was just living like a non Christian because I was surrounded by others like so and I am not blaming it on the other people, I chose to act that way I chose that path. And I came back not wanting to carry on because I was hurting myself.

I have been feeling the Lord’s love and protection over me throughout the entire trip, he was always there even if I turned the other, he was there helping my ankle, he was there by keeping me safe. My relationship with him might have had a bit of a pause but I didn’t go backwards. I kept thinking to myself that I’ve rejected the Lord so much and I had hurt him a lot with the way that I was behaving. God may not be thinking that because he has taken me back, I am repenting, I have been very open about it with my friends in London and something Hanne said to me really resonates with me. “You are living in the Light, you have shown your weakness in the light and God is counting that, everything that you had learnt when you were over here has not gone in vain. Those things still happened and those blessings still happened.”  

Now I know what it’s like to live a life without God, I know what it’s like to be hungover (Not pleasant at all), I know what it’s like to wake up in the morning feeling embarrassed and being told by your friends what happened the night before because you were too drunk to remember. If that is all there is to my life then it’s a sad sad and an unstable road. There is so much more than to getting wasted and trying to get with some boy who is clearly not interested. There is much more to living than to living life for others to see, or caring and catering to other people’s ego. There is more to life than swearing your head off every second sentence. There is more love and acceptance Jesus gives than from any human being.

I want to go home, not feeling broken and needing healing. I want to feel whole, know that I am fully accepted and love by God and I want to share my experiences with the others back home. I want to be able to have grown and matured, being able to work harder when I return to my life back home.

I have had a crazy run of great highs and lows, I have traveled like crazy! And I am now wanting stability and missing home and the sun. No one will be able to understand everything that has been going on in my time away. But that’s the beauty of it. 

It was God and me. The whole time. 

Just him and me doing life.